Sean sat up, blinking. How did he get here? All he could remember was
sending an email to the FFML when suddenly....
"What is it? It's ugly, whatever it is. It must be a youma!"
A what? Sean looked around, to see a girl with the stupidest haircut he
had ever seen point her finger at him. Actually, 'haircut' wasn't the
right term. She looked as if she had *never* cut her hair. She
probably tripped over it all the time.
She seemed to be talking to a cat. This was, in Sean's opinion, enough
to label her as certifiable. Animals would never answer back.
"Don't hesitate, Serena," the cat said, forever changing Sean's opinion
about talking animals. "Transform to Sailor Moon!"
Sean blinked. What?
Her voice began to echo in the strangest way. "Moon Cosmic Power!" Her
clothes disappeared, which Sean didn't mind, but her body was covered
with a blue haze, which disappointed him. She began twirling around as
music played in the background. Clothes began slowly to appear and form
around her. When she stopped twirling, she standing in an extremely
stupid pose, wearing a skirt of a lenght last seen in the late 60's.
Suddenly, it struck him. He was in the Sailor Moon universe. Worse, he
was in the dub.
"Uh, wait. I don't want to...."
"Aiiee! It speaks; it's horrible."
Sean furrowed his brow. "Now wait a minute!" He took a step forward.
Something swished past his ear to implant itself in the ground in front
of him. A rose.
Sean turned around to see a guy in a Tuxedo standing atop a nearby
telephone pole. "You can do it, Sailor Moon! All you have to do is
believe in yourself!"
Sean growled. "Gee, buddy, that's helpful. Why don't you try throwing
something useful like a knife or a grenade or something. What are you
trying to do with that rose - arrange me to death?"
"I am Sailor Moon!" Sean turned to see the silly girl glaring at him.
"I stand for love and justice. In the name of the moon, I will..."
Sean had had enough. He picked up the rose and threw it at her. His
throw was amazingly accurate; the rose hit her in the mouth as she was
pontificating. He had the pleasure of simultaneously seeing her look
surprised and shutting her up.
She spat out the rose, coughed up a few petals, then growled at him.
"That's it! You're going down."
She reached up and grabbed her tiara. She began to twirl around as the
tiara began to glow.
Sean shook his head. He walked up to her, grabbed one of her long pony
tails, and held it as she twirled. By the time she was done, she had
managed to wrap herself up quite nicely in her own hair. The tiara
dropped from her hand onto the ground.
"That's enough, Serena." Sean shook his finger at her.
Her eyes grew wide. "How did you know my secret identity?"
Sean spluttered. "Secret identity? Really, how many people in the
world do you think are stupid enough to wear their hair like that?"
She began to struggle. "Let me go, nasty creature, before I...."
Sean grabbed her other pony tail and gagged her with it. Satisfied, he
pushed her to the ground and watched her squirm.
After a while, he turned to see the tuxedo guy - what was his name?
Darren? No, that was Bewitched... Darien, that was it - with his mouth
agape. "How... how did you do that? What evil magic do you possess?"
Sean snorted. "Well, it isn't like you tried to stop me, is it?"
"We'll stop you!"
Sean turned to see four more girls in the same silly outfits standing
together.
Sean sighed and started towards them.
(The rest is left as an exercise for the reader).