Sebastian Weinberg wrote:
: "Hai. I still haven't figured out what Ranma did with the broken
: blocks. These just seem to have piled up quickly." Akane sighed as
: she dumped the load of broken cement.
Heh, he donated them to build a shrine to the Goddess of Anger and
Mallets. :)
I like that one! Any other suggestions?
: Nabiki hugged her sister fiercely and whispered to her. "I promise
<ker-snip>
: at relationships.
Very nice. I like these scenes between Nabiki and Kasumi a lot.
Thanks!
: As the battle progressed, the panda took the little pig into a side
: room. In the room were a number of steaming tea kettles and a couple
: changes of clothes. The panda poured the contents of one kettle on
: the pig and then tossed the clothes at the naked Ryouga.
Um, sinca when does Genma know that Ryouga is P-chan? If he
knows, how come he allows him to sleep with his son's fiancee?
Good question! Could something have happened behind the scenes? Say,
didn't Ryouga mention something about a hot spring earlier?
: "You're going to pay for this humiliation, Ranma!" shouted Ryouga.
: "Shi shi houkoudan!"
What the heck is he so upset about? I know he flies of the handle
rather easily, but usually he waits for something to *happen*
before he accuses Ranma for it.
That's what I'd like to know! ;)
: Kodachi glomped onto Ranma in an attempt to kiss him. "Oh,
: Ranma-sama! I am so glad you came to welcome me home!"
:
: "Unfaithful Hentai!" shouted Akane as she punted Ranma away from
: Kodachi and into the collapsing wall. Which finished collapsing onto
: Ranma. Akane then stormed out the hole in the wall. "I'm leaving!"
And what is Akane's motivation here? She *does*, I admit,
sometimes react violently when Ranma gets glomped, but this is a
bit silly for a fanfic like this. I know you need this conflict
between them to set up Akane's insight scene later on, but I'd
appreciate if she got a little more motivation before she pulls
out the mallet (metaphorically speaking). How about letting Ranma
do his usual "Ooops, I got glomped by a girl" dither routine:
"Um, err... Kodachi... Ulp.", etc.
Hmmm. Good point.
: Those funny looking words:
: Konbanwa Good Evening
Except you spelled it "KonbOnwa" in the text.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
*gasp*
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!
konbonwa*bang*konbonwa*bang*konbonwa*bang*konbonwa*bang*konbonwa*bang*
(sound of banging head against wall)
All right. Apart from the abovementioned motivation problems,
this was throroughly enjoyable. I'll be waiting for part 5.
"enjoyable" ?
YES! YATTA!