fanfic@fanfic.com wrote:

Dang it all to heck.

I am so wishy-washy.  I still don't know what I think of this story,
despite my repeated requests for your opinions.

So I gave it one last rewrite.  Here it is, eagerly awaiting your
perusal.  Tell me one last time what you think; this time my decision on
whether or not it will go up on my Web Page will be final.  I promise.
:)


Thanks for putting up with this.  ^_^

--
-Richard

sterman@sprynet.com
http://home.sprynet.com/sprynet/sterman

OK, here it comes.  Ready?

Overall: Interesting side story to the Thy Inward love saga.  Now at
last we know the details of the prom.

Grammer and Spelling:  I didn't notice misspelled words, although, if I
remember right, there was a word or two missing.  Not important, you
knew what the word was, you just had to read the sentence twice.

Characters:  I kinda agree with another C&Cer who said something like,
"Given Takewaki's code of honor, I find it difficult to believe that
there had been previous times." or something to that extent.  However, I
can also see Nabiki getting him to do just about anything.  Of course, I
then must turn around and critisize Nabiki.  She realised that she
_Loved_ Kuno, and still she kept everything bottled up.  Granted, in
part ?? of Thy Inward Love, she lets more out, but at the time of their
, well, first time, One would think she would have been just a little
less harsh about it.

General:  I know how much authors hate rewrites, as there is always
_Something_ that needs fixing, but mayhap just a little gentleness on
Nabiki's part would help not only to settle Takewaki's feelings, but let
her explore what she was feeling with a little more clarity.  I am not
suggesting that she turn int a soft, mushy, lovestruck little girl, but
I have trouble seeing her switch emotional states so fast.  Gentle,
Loving, Cold, Calculating, Passionate, Bitter, all seemed to flow
through her, one right after the other, and each one controlled her
completely.

Final Synopsis:  If you loved the Thy Inward Love saga, this is a must
read.  If you liked it, this is a good addition.  If you hated it, well,
what are you doing reading this C&C?  Richard seems to have the ability
to pull a decent amount of side stories out of the Thy Inward Love Saga,
and so far none of them has detracted from the whole.  Keep 'em up, and
you might just have a whole season or three to post! ^_^

Well, there you have it.  My C&C of Thy Inward Love: Prom.  Hope this
helps!
-- 
Slashtooth@evnet.com
Remeber, No matter where you go, there you are. - Buckaroo Banzai
Applicant to the Holy Order of Ukyo
Member, Okonomiyaki's Anonymous.
Maker of Ryogaese maps - Everything's on 'em, somewhere.
Sig File Under Construction.