Actually just a few nits:

  [Tofu takes a sample his initial exam]

  The tube goes into a bath of alcohol.

Why?  I could see him putting in the fridge or freezer, but the tube
itself probably doesn't need *disinfection*, and if the alcohol gets
inside the sample will be damaged if not ruined.

  Dr. Tofu: Oh... um, Would you like a lift home then?

All questions about Tofu having a car could be eliminated if you
change this to "Would you like me to call a taxi?"

If you want a retribution sub-plot, and want some alternative to
Ranma-chan and Akane bumping into the gang (followed by a cut to the
Nerimi skyline, suddenly lit as if by lightning...), you have an
opportunity for Nabiki to say: "Profit?  No, there are times to <get
use out of money/profits, something to that effect>."

  Akane: Just what do you remember?

  [Ranma-chan doesn't reply, but instead walks over to Akane, and holds her
  in a hug, which Akane responds to, holding her back.]

While I know what you're saying here, the use of "holding her back" is
potentially confusing, since it can also mean something like holding
her away from you.  At the very least, it's a bit jarring.

  [Scene: It is later in the day, the sun is beginning to set. We pull
  back to see the shot is from the Tendo roof. Two figures are
  silhouetted against the sun, sitting on the roof.]

  Akane: I come up here sometimes, to sit and watch the world go by. It is
  sometimes very beautiful, sometimes very tragic.

Tragic in this sentence sounds a little strong to me; perhaps "very sad" ?

  Akane: No, although she is doing much better, she seems to be talking a lot
  more, although she doesn't seem to remember anybody but me until I have
  introduced her to them again.

Her statement would seem to imply that Ranma is remembering people
after Akane introduces them, while I've gathered that even then Ranma
doesn't remember them.

  [Startled by the vehemence of her shout, both Akane and Ranma-chan all
  but leap back from where they were standing. Akane's face is shocked, she
  has only rarely heard Kasumi raise her voice, and it was never directed
  towards her before. Ranma-chan doesn't look upset, but is throwing
  inquisitive glances at both women, trying to find out what is going on.
  Kasumi looks concerned though, and rushes over to Akane, grabbing her
  hand and looking at it.]

Ummm, with Kasumi being the surrogate mom in the family, its unlikely
to be the first time she's warned Akane with a shout about something
time critical.

  Akane: Ka- Kasumi, what's wrong?

  Kasumi: I was using that burner to boil water not fifteen minutes ago, you
  should have noticed it was still hot!

Also, 5 or 10 minutes would be better---a stove cools down a lot in 15
minutes.

					- Harold