[Scene: Engeneering.... Gerodie's office]
Uranus: Hmmmmm. I'm this "Geordie LaForge" guy. Well.. Assigning us to our posts was smart,
but continuing on with the mission to take on the Borg? [flashed back to the fact that there were
little yellow puddled under Darian and Ami at the mere mention of the Borg. And the fact that
they were in orbit around the ship made Ami pass out and Darian file for life insurance.]
Uranus: How are things up there on the helm? [hey... they talk to thin air, remember?]
[Switch to the bridge]
Serina: Well... we've almost got everything under control.
Rei: Dammit, go RIGHT!
Serina: NO, LEFT!!!!
[We see Serina and Rei arguing over a Triple A map that is spread out on the panel. Luna is
merely mumbling to herself... she knew she would have to fold the map and put it back into the
copy of "So You Want to Run a Starship" they found.]
Ami: Guys, were're in orbit. The engines aren't even ON!!!!
[Serina and Rei both look embarrased]
Serina: So... how are you at freeing up the navigational conn?
Ami: We were able to transfer most of the rudamentary piloting functions to the Science conn,
but we don't have full capability. [thinking] Meaning if that blond haired putz fucks us over then
we and the crew of 15,000 are going up in a incadesant ball of fire and Yamato smoke. [aloud] but
that's nothing to worry about.
Rei: Ok, how long then?
Ami: Um.... almost got throught the security barrier. [Cheery] Patience, intellegence, and stategy
can get through ANY defensive system. [We see Ami working at the club with a butter knife].
Rei: Lita, how long till we can send a landing party to the Bor-
Serina: Hey, I'm in charge!
Ami: Just a little more... oops! Patience, Ami.....
Rei: So then what are you going to do?
Ami: Turn this way........ turrrrrrrrrrrrrrn... c'mon. Drat..... locked up. C'mon Ami, patience,
intellegence and strategy...
Serina: Uhhhhh... ARM PHOTON TORPEADOS!!!
Ami: You stupid piece of plasic..... I can out think you.....
Lita: Allright! Ass kicking!
Ami: Do it..... do........it.... rggg! Patience....
Rei: No! Do not arm those photon torpeados! The captain and the first officer must be in
agreement on thier launch!
Ami: RRRRRRRRRRRRG!!! C'mon!
Serina: Have you been watching "Crimson Ride".... ooooo, that Denzel!
Ami [ butterknife finally gives and the end twists off]: GODDAMN MOTHERFUCKING PIECE
OF MADE IN THE FUCKING USA PIECE OF PLASTIC SHIT!!!! GODDAMN YOU TO
HELL!!!!!!!!! AND THE SON OF A BITCH THAT MADE YOU CAN FUCK HIMSELF
WHILE HE SUCKS YACK BALLS!!!!!!! TO HELL WITH THAT ZEN BULLSHIT!!!!! [Ami
notices that the crew is staring] Ahahaha....ha....
Uranus [from speaker]: We're gonna die.
******************************************************************************[The Borg ship. Zoicite and Jadeite are in the control room]
Zoicite: Hey blondie! Ship in orbit.... it's the.... En...ter....prise...
[Jadeite goes white....-er.]
Jadeite: Zoicite! We need you to go over to the Enterprise.... and well....get some crystals [flinch].
Zoicire: Are you out of you MIND?!
Jadeite: Hey at least I'm smart enough not to go.
Zoicite: Who says.... [transport lights] [she is now on the Enterprise]
Zoicite: that.... I'm.... going..... whoo boy....
******************************************************************************
[Bridge, Starship Enterprise. Luna, Darien, Lita, Rei, and Serina are trying to hold Ami down]
Ami: Let me at that damn thing!!!!!! I WILL KILL IT!!!
Serina: Ami! You're wiggin' out! Regain your cool!!!!! CHILL!!!!!
[In the confusion, no one notices that the "Strange being transported over" light just went on]
******************************************************************************
Zoicite: Get the crytals.... get the crytals.... [she had managed to get to engeneering before she is
spotted...by Uranus]
Uranus: Hey... who are you? And how much starch is in that suit?
Zoicite: Ahhhh....ahhhh [thinking] what did Malekite teach me about espionage? Yes! I should
beguile men with my femenine charms... even though I'm a guy. And besideds.... this man is fairly
attractive.
Zoicite: Heyyyyyy....cutie.... care to trip into the utility closet? A... "pit stop", heh heh. [bats
lashes]
Uranus: [shocked] Ah....er.... how much?[thinking] This girl is kinda pretty
Zoicite: Some dilithium crystal?
Uranus: We've got tons of that suff. After we... um, finish, I'll pay.
[Next scene]
[Uranus and Zoicite are more or less making out in a closet. Uranus is kissing down Zoicite's
neck... and half of RAAS is wondering if they should be enjoying this or not. Zoicite presses up
against Uranus and nibbles her ear. Uranus presses her hands up to Zoicites chest. "Hmmm...
damn flat chested woman" she thinks.... deja vu. Zoicite decides that she wants to hurry this up
and slides a hand down the front of Uranus's pants. Both gasp.... but for different reasons]
Zoicite: YOU'RE A GIRL!!!!!!!!!!
Uranus: Uh.... aren't you?
Zoicite: AUGH! I was making out with a girl! Bleach!!!!! Of all the unnatural, perverted
acts....!!!!
Uranus: Oh... I thouhgt you were homosexual too.
Zoicite: I AM!!!!
Uranus: Then...... I felt up a GUY!!!!! AUUGGHH!!!! SICK!!! [Charges ki attack... but Zoicite
transports out]
Uranus: RED ALERT!!! A SEXUAL DIVIANT JUST LEFT THE SHIP!!!!!
*****************************************************************************
[The bridge of the Borg ship. All of the Youma are around. Zoicite transports in.]
Zoicite: Auch! P'tooie!!!
Jadeite: Did you come back with anything?
Zoicite: *gag*!!!!! Listerine!!!!
Malekite: Isn't that a song?
Neflite: That's "Glicerine"
Zoicite: I KISSED A GIRL!!!!!!!!
Malekite: Ok, THAT is a song!
Neflite: Yep.
Jadeite: Wait... do they know we're on here?
Zoicite: Ahhhh.... yeah.. We have, I estimate, 20 seconds to get the hell out of here.
Jadeite: From when?
Zoicite: 19 seconds ago.
[The Borg ship is rocked by an explosion]
*****************************************************************************
[The Enterpise... again... the bridge]
Uranus [over speaker]: -THE SHIP!!!!
Serina: Let's get em [accedently lets go of Ami's arm]
Ami: Allright! [kicks off of the other Sailors and tears the club off]
Ami: Ok, I better now.
Darian: Arm torpeados and fire!!!!!
Lita: Ok!!! [Fires]
Rei: Gee, Serina... you had no problem with HIM giving orders.
Serina: Oh, shut up.....
Lita: Captain! They're getting away!!!!!
*****************************************************************************
Jadeite: What is the fastest we can get away?!
Malekite: Impulse powe is all we have left!!!!!
Jadeite: USE IT!!!!!!
*****************************************************************************
Lita: Very slowly.
Serina: Fire again! Retro Rockets! Shower on the poop deck!!!
Luna: Do you have ANY idea in hell what you're doing?! Lita obey, the first order!
Lita: Hai! Mc Nuggets, fries, and a Coke to go!
Luna: What?
Lita: Sorry, first order at my old job. Firing!
******************************************************************************
[Jadeite's ship]
Zoicite: Oh, so it's YOUR ship now?
Jadeite: It's gonna be my pile of rubble if we don't get the hell out of here. Any ideas?
Zoicite: Fire tachyons. They do all sorts of weird stuff in this series.
Jadeite: Noted. Neflite, make it so!
******************************************************************************
Rei: Fire again!!!!!!
******************************************************************************
[BOOOOOOOOOOOOOM]
Jadeite: A little speed here! Need help?
Neflite: Thanks, but I got it. Firing!
[The warp conduit from "Descent" opens up, and the Borg ship is gone]
******************************************************************************
Lita: They're gone!
Serina: Persuit course!..... that's right, isn't it Darian?
Darian: Nope.... they're just gone.... call it a night Serina.
[Serina sighs.... fade to black]
******************************************************************************
[Serina's room. All of the trek cast went back to their host's familes, promising to meet again in
the morning. Data is crawling into bed]
Data: Aughhhh.... all this dress up, different bodies... I never want to think about girls again! I
want my manhood back. Nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn......
[Out of the shadows a small figure appears. The face is obscured by the lack of light, and the
figure crawls up into the bed.]
Data: WHO IS THAT!?
Voice: Ahhhh... Serina... I've missed you.
Data : [gulp]
******************************************************************************
[Kick in El Hazard Next Episode BGM]
Data: In our next episode, we discover why Wesley Crusher wants us dead! So we try and find the
most powerfull force against him in the galaxy: HIS MOMMY!!!
[Scene of Crusher in a Sailor Suit, pan up]
Data: The Sailor Scouts dicover the Gaurdian of Forever, which may have to power to send them
home.
[Scene of Rei smaking the hell out of Serina]
Data: Is that the right clip? Oh, and looks like Alliele scored
[Scene of Alliele and Minnie-may with really goofy grins on their faces] Minnie-may
: "Yup! We've been going at it like weasles!"
Data: And the author apologizes profusley. See ya there!
******************************************************************************
Even though you may see it here, going to a prostitute is very, very wrong! Aside from the
legal and moral problems, going to a prositute is a gamble.
[Scream scene of Zoicite and Uranus]
It's like a box of chocholates, I open them up and see that someone has taken a bite out of every
one.... that's when I have to take out my .45 and.... oh, wait... I meant to say that "You never
know what you're gonna get." Good b-
[POW]
DAMMIT, Rei, STOP HITTING ME!!!!
*****************************************************************************
And now, a special section: LUNA LETTERS!!!!!
Luna: Hello! I'll be feilding real letters from you all... ok, our first one...
From: Mike A Lyons ( )
Subject: Re: [FanFic] Spiner Moon (test)
Sent On: 12/30 03:37 PM PM ET
Date: Sat, 30 Dec 1995 12:37:46 -0801 (PST)
From: Mike A Lyons [lyonsm@netbistro.com]
In-Reply-To: <013.07576079.RKXE96B@prodigy.com>
Subject: Re: [FanFic] Spiner Moon (test)
Hilarious story! I've never seen Sailor Moon (although I've been meaning
to get around to it) but I thought it was hilarious nevertheless.
Luna: Thank you Peter. Watch our show DAMMIT! What you don't have 30 minutes a day to
spare out of your busy scedule for us!? HUH!? Men......
Ok, next letter!
From: Jon Quirit ( )
Subject: [FanFic] Star Trek X-over Overkill?
Sent On: 12/30 03:14 PM PM ET
Date: Sat, 30 Dec 1995 13:05:17 -0700
From: Jon Quirit [ozymand@netzone.com]
Reply-To: fanfic@andrew.cais.com [fanfic@andrew.cais.com]
Subject: [FanFic] Star Trek X-over Overkill?
Being just a member of this fan-fic mailing list for about a week now, I've
notice a rise in the amount of Ranma-BGC-Sailormoon-Star Trek-"whatever else
can be crammed into a single fanfic without making it ridiculous and
ludicrious to the reader so that they won't dump it as soon as they see the
title for it" crossovers on this mailing list.
While this may seem like I'm ragging on the people that are writing these
crossovers, I'm not (cross my black heart and hope not to come back to life
again). I really enjoyed Spiner Moon and Ranma 1/2: The Current Generation.
In fact, I kinda pissed off my roommates by laughing so hard that I woke
them up ("Ok, ok, I promis not to laugh so hard next time that I will not
wake you up at the middle of the night." <with fingers crossed>)
Keep up the good work and I hope to soon see the second part of Spiner Moon!
Ozymandias aka Jon Quirit
Question to all: What if Sailormoon had mecha? What would they be like?
Luna: Thank you very much! Granted, we kicked Ranma «: The Current Generation's ass left
right and center, but thank you for mentioning them. They'll love your little letter.... the only one
they got. Oh.... you liked us more, right? Hey, I can get Sailor Venus to come over to your
house... or Sailor Jupiter. You liked us better, right?
As for your room mates, try and get them smashed on that non-alcholic Budwiser. It
wouln't solve the laughing problem, but it will be funny as hell to watch.
Ok, NEXT!!!!
From: Sailor Gallifrey ( )
Subject: Re: [FanFic] Spiner Moon (test)
Sent On: 12/29 11:17 PM PM ET
Date: Fri, 29 Dec 1995 23:14:08 -0500 (EST)
From: Sailor Gallifrey [omega@io.org]
Reply-To: fanfic@andrew.cais.com [fanfic@andrew.cais.com]
In-Reply-To: <013.07576079.RKXE96B@prodigy.com>
Subject: Re: [FanFic] Spiner Moon (test)
<ahem>
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!
to paraphrase a line from your 'fic.
You are demented and need serious psychiatric attention--you
even stole some of my jokes, you bastard!!!! :)
Despite that, I will carry out my threat of producing yet
another-
Luna: Ahahah.... DOESN'T ANYONE SCREEN THESE!? Next one is the last one... NEST!!!
Great.... one damn line.... I blow it.
From: Andy Skuse ( )
Subject: Re: [FanFic] Spiner Moon (test)
Sent On: 12/29 09:19 PM PM ET
Date: Fri, 29 Dec 1995 21:19:37 -0500
From: Andy Skuse [askuse@execulink.com]
Reply-To: fanfic@andrew.cais.com [fanfic@andrew.cais.com]
Subject: Re: [FanFic] Spiner Moon (test)
Jamal, this has got to be the funniest thing I have ever read on this list
so far!!! I especially liked "The Club" on the Enterprise's control panel ;)
Poor Geordie!<snicker>. And never mind where Sailor Moon keeps that
scepter- where the heck is Luna keeping the BFG???!!!
Can't wait for the next chapter!
Panda (I think . . .)
********************
BG Cross
The Dark Traveller
askuse@execulink.com
********************
Luna: Again, thank you very much! And as for your BFG question... choose one of two replies:
1) None of your DAMN buisness!!!!
2) I'll tell you when you're older.... heh.. heh.... HEH.
Ja ne!!!!!
******************************************************************************
This is Spiner Moon Chapter 2 v. 1.0. PLEASE screen this one. Anything aside from spelling and
grammar you find. PLEASE!!!!!! I WILL BEG!!!!!
