1. About the lemon bits: As I said, I'm no fan of lemons, so this may be
just my biases getting in the way, but many of the lemon scenes seemed
rather superfluous. The story could have done without most of them, so if
you need to cut (you'd feared it was too long) go for those first. In
particular, I'd get rid of the male stripper scene, not becuse it's not
well written (I'm sure it is--but as I said I skimmed over the lemon
scenes), but because
a. a second scene of the same type seems particularly redundant;
Perhaps, but I thought it was interesting that the women seemed to be
'appreciating' their dancer more than the men were *theirs*.
Glad you liked it... this stuff isn't just for men. ^_^
(Besides, I think I've been to that particular bachelorette party <g>)
*giggle*
b. on a practical note, the female stripper scene will have a MUCH
greater readership than the male scene (perhaps I'm just deluding myself
about the opposite sex, but--speaking as a man here--I'm convinced that
there are far many more male hentais than female ones);
Probably, but the author is female -- isn't she allowed to have fun too? ; )
My thoughts presicely. ^_^
c. it might make the following scene even funnier. (When I read the
first draft, before you had put the scene in, the idea of Mikado's telling
the _very_ embarrassed Ranma, fearing for his life, of the male stripper,
followed by an immediate cut to the room to where the girls are discussing
the show they have just seen, struck me as highly amusing. The previous
scene was from Ranma's perspective, and he--and therefore we--had no idea
that the girls were capable of as much hentai-ism as the lads, be they
"macho chicks" or not. We probably knew about Kodachi and Nabiki's perverse
natures, but the sudden realization that Kasumi, say, was sitting through
the show and enjoying it made my day. The faster illusions are dispelled,
the funnier it is.)
Believe me, get a group of females together and what we talk about would
embarrass most guys to death in about 30 seconds flat <g>
*giggle* It's great, isn't it?
Well done "Kun-chan"! I look forward to the finished product :)
I'll try! Arigatou!
Kun-chan...