Spiner Moon, ver 1.0
Opening Song: My Heart, Iidasenai, Your Heart Tashikametai
If you haven't seen OMG, skip this part.
[The opening notes start. Serina's Meatball Hair Piece Thingie is
spinning around. A few seconds
later she appears ... ah, hell. You know how it goes. A title splash
appears, with "Oh My GOD,
NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! Spiner Moon Pt 3" on it]
Just being close to you doesn't make love happen
[Serina is on a lamp post, looking outward]
Even if I make it a puzzle,
[Darien seems to be working on a car engine. He has no idea what
the hell he is doing.
You can't figure it out because you're too slow .
[Serina is simply standing, Darian materializes and kisses her.
Her pig tails flap up, smacking
him]
We came to the spring sea, wearing summer clothes.
[Scene switch: Red background. SD Troi, Worf, Riker, Geordie,
and Data leap in,
form together to make Picard, who gives the thumbs-up sign ]
[Scene switch: a sidewalk.
Someone is walking with a parasol over their face. Camera zooms
in, parasol is moved.
It's Worf]
Please cover me gently with your shirt.
[Fingernails being painted... camera pans to the face. It is
Mikado of Ranma �]
[Worf grabs and hugs Wesley, Riker just shrugs his shoulders]
"My heart" wouln't let me say
[Luna, with crown shapes beneath her eyes follows the same
motions as Skuld. Flashes of
a shot of Riker laid over a moving image of Troi]
"Please" Kiss me.
[Ami is turning around. The next lovely couple is a moving image
of Serina over Darian]
"Daydream"
[Ryo-ohki in one of Urd's dresses gives a look over her
shoulder]
My dream get bigger
[Rei is wearing Mara's outfit and has the marks]
And disappears high in the sky
[Malekite trips over a Coke can and falls off the railing.
Zoicite levitates him, and they
come toward each other]
Any girl can be happy.
[SD Jadeite on a Borg ship, warping away from SD Serina on the
Enterprise. Following
them are Data and Geordie on the Moon Scepter, and Wesley on a
bicycle in hot pursuit (lame
Oz reference, I know....). Last but not least, SD Ami in an Adidas
jacket being chased by Full
sized Jinnai and Bugroom]
They all start shining once they fall in love
[Insert obscure reference here]
Even if tears start to flow, or my heart aches,
[Scene of Darian on a motorcycle with Serina in the side car.
They pass by a sign that says
"DIC Animation Studios, next left" . Darain stops to check his watch,
and to his left about 1/4
mile up the road there is an explosion. He and Serina exchange
mischievous glances and high
fives.]
If it's because of you, it wouln't be sad.
[Pan over some buildings... wait a sec, this isn't the temple]
Shun: You're right.
Author: Then where the hell.....?
Shun: Koko wa Greenwood!!!
Author: Geez.... back up the CD.
If it's because of you, it wouln't be sad.
[Shot of Rei's temple, picture of Serina, Data, and Neflite
posing appears]
**********************************************************************
********
[Scene: Jadeite's Ship]
Zoicite: Oh, so it's YOUR ship now, eh?
Jadeite: Someone PLEASE shut him up!
Malekite: Of course! [Frenches Zoicite]
Jadeite: Not the way I would have done it.... [Shivers as he gets a
mental image]
Neflite: Er.... perhaps we should let the hack, er, "author" finish
setting up the scene?
[Thank you. All of the youma are present (duh) and on "The Borg" ship.
Apparently, they are in
what is the main chamber of the ship, located in the dead center of
the ship. The main cavern is
huge enough to rival the Negaverse's, and is constructed about the
same way. Instead of stalactites
hanging down from the ceiling, cords and cables do, and with metal
walkways instead of the rock
paths. And of course, the command chair in the center, but with three
other stations that form a
semi-circle in front of the it.]
Jadeite: Don't stalagMITES hang down?
Neflite: Jadeite.... please don't start. Now, why are we all here?
Jadeite: All right, fine. I have been cruising through the ship's
main computer base [nods to
Zoicite] with Zoicite's help [Zoicite smiled, as it was nice having a
leader that complemented...
even if he did insult sometimes too] and have found that most of the
ship's data was erased just
before it was taken over by us. Apparently, that was one of the
things that the Borg do when they
are cut from the collective.... before they go boom, and after they
file for life insurance. As I said,
most of the data was destroyed, but many of the files are PARTIALLY
intact. Zoicite is working
on recovering one now that concerns a technology that would "allow
time travel and transport", it
just need some sort of way to focus energy... the race they stole if
from didn't have it.
Malekite: [something dawning] Wait a sec.... DILITHIUM!!!!!!
Jadeite: Right.
Malekite: But if they had the technology, why didn't the Borg use it?
Jadeite: They had no originality, all of their ideas were ripped of
from someone else, they
couldn't use it if it weren't filled out to the nth degree even if
the answer to the problem was
staring them in the face.
Malekite: Sounds like Nintendo in a space ship.
Jadeite: You know were gonna catch hell for that, right?
Malekite: I just sez em, I don't write em.
Jadeite: Anyway, you now see why it is so important that we get
those dilithium crystals [flinch]!
Not only do we need this to attain systems like warp drive and out
main guns, it will allow us to
return home with this ship...
Neflite: ...or take over the future.
Jadeite: And I have a plan on how to get em.
[Jadeite smiles]
[Author appears in a bubble at the bottom of the screen]
Author: Hey! Major plot point! Y'might wanna re-read that!
**********************************************************************
********
[Scene: The Enterprise, Captain's Yacht. Serina is pacing about in a
Starfleet uniform. Artemis is
on the bed. Serina, as usual, is whining]
Serina: Awwwwwwwwwww, but why can't Luna be here? I'm so used to
talking to her about
something that she calls "Sailor business", whatever that is.
Artemis [sighs, places paw to his temple]: Well, because Captain
Picard and Beverly Crusher
sleeping on the same _deck_ would start rumors flying around this
ship, just imagine what her
repeatedly spending the night here would do!
Serina: Well, what about Darian, hmmmmmmmmm? Q can do whatever he
wants, right?
Artemis: [annoyed] Oh, yes, that worked SO well last night....
Serina: I smell flashback!
Artemis: Oh God.... I hate these...
[That fuzzy flashback graphic starts. A new scene takes over, one of
two figures under a set of
covers, it is close in on the faces. The two are snuggling, and it is
fairly obvious who it is.]
Darian: Serina....
Serina: Ahhhhh... Darian... what is it?
Darian: Ummmm... you're a virgin, right? This may... ah, get
uncomfortable for a minute.
Serina: It's ok! I trust you!
Darian: [muttering] You shouldn't.......
Serina: Huh? Did you say something.
Darian: Nothing.... ah... seeing as I can't think of anything better.
.. "Brace yourself".
Serina: A little over confident in our abilities, aren't we?
Darian: Trust me... you may want to.... Ok.....
[Camera pans out, indicating to anyone who knows movies and anime
that SOMETHING is
gonna happen. And SOMETHING does.]
[Sound of a mouse trap snapping shut]
Darian:
AIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!
!!!!!
Serina: Wow, is that it? I didn't feel a thing.
[Luna and Artemis pop up from behind a chair]
Luna: See? I told you that the mousetrap was better than the
chastity belt!
Artemis: I'm not gonna ask HOW you got it in there....
Darian:
AIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!
!!!!!!
[Suddeny, SD Youta from Video Girl Ai pops up]
Youta: Hi! You all are probably wondering why the only thing that
Darian is saying is a scream.
Well, contrary to what TV says, when you are in incredible pain you
loose many of your
conversational skills. In fact, about the only thing that you can say
is-
Darian: HURRY UP AND GET THIS FUCKING THING OFF OF ME!!!!!!!!
Youta: Gee, it IS a mousetrap. Just take it off.
[Darian hastily does as he was told]
Darian: Owwwwwww... I'm gonna get you cats!
Youta: Isn't that... what the hell?
[The Video Girl dinosaur pops up, fires Youta with the mouth beam,
and dissapears]
[End flashback]
Artemis: Geez.... that was a bad one... all of those flashbacks give
me an upset stomach. Anyway,
be glad that you have us at all. Darian still gives us the evil eye...
and has taken up the violin. And
the fact that Luna saw fit to have me take care of you while she
helped the other scouts....
Serina: Naturally! I am the leader, making me the coolest and
letting me have all the rad
privileges!
Artemis: Are you out of your fucki-...., I mean "you may want to
rethink that". Now, will you sit
down so I can give this information to you!? All that pacing is
making me loose concentration!
Serina: Hah! My pacing shouldn't give you any problems! There's this
one far out girl in the
school down the street that dyes her hair green and people says that
she can fly! Another person
there changes into a girl when he gets hit with cold water, and-
Artemis: SIDDOWN AND SHUT _UP_!!!!!!!!!!
[Serina sits down]
Artemis: Thank you. Now, we have received information that there is
a survey going on around
an object a called the "Guardian of Forever"-
Serina: Dick Clark?
Artemis: No, its-
Serina: George Burns? Wow, he's still around?
Artemis: Will you pay attention! Starfleet said that we are to ferry
some scientists from Gall-1 to
the Forever World... to survey the OBJECT! Not a person, an Object!
Serina: But how can an object take a survey?
Artemis [thinning] Wow.... no wonder Luna has a stick shoved that
far up her ass.... I would too
if I had to deal with this air head everyday. [aloud] Do you honestly-
[Artemis stops as a
thoughtful expression comes to Serina's eyes. He was still debating
between marveling at the sight
or calling for backup. Suddenly, she spoke.]
Serina: Why exactly wasn't *I* there when this message was received?
This seems to be of a very
high priority... fer sure.
Artemis [thinking] Wow... she does have a moment of clarity
sometimes..... right when it's gonna
make me look bad. [aloud] We... ah... didn't feel that you could pull
the facade of a mature, well
read, thoughtful male Caucasian Starship captain [thinking] with an
IQ above 3 [aloud] so we
decided to leave you out of the meeting
Serina: You didn't think I was smart enough!
Artemis: [aloud] Yep. [thinking] No, that's not I-.... huh boy.
Serina: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!
Artemis: Please don't cry! Do you know how long it takes for carpet
to dry?
**********************************************************************
********
[Scene: Serina's room. Data is in the bed, learning of a new
sensation... while he had experienced
being scared shitless, sweat didn't accompany it. Liquid running from
his brow was a new
experience. Under the covers, the small figure was advancing.]
Figure: Ah, how I have awaited your return Serina!
Data: ".........................."
Figure: Please tell me you haven't forgotten! [Chibi-... er, RENE
pops her head out from under
the covers and smiles, eyes closed] You said we were gonna sneak
downstairs and make ice cream
while everyone was asleep! You pro-.... [Rene opened her eyes and
sees Data's face staring at her]
Rene: You're.... not..... Serina.....
Data: Ahahaahaha... see... uh....
Rene: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Data: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!
Makoto: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!
[Rene and Data look at Makoto. Shela-Shela jumps in through the
window, grabs Makoto, and
beats his tail a good one. All of RAA cheers. Just then, Serina's
father enters the room. He's doing
his best to look intimidating in fuzzy bunny slippers]
Father: What is going on in here!? I have to go to work tomorrow, so
GO TO BED!!!!!!
Rene: DON'T YOU NOTICE THAT YOUR DAUGHTER IS A MAN!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?
Father: Rene, what has gotten into you!? Serina may have a flat
chest, but she is certainly NOT a
guy! I will have to tell your mother about this incident.
Rene [realizing that her whole charade might be blown]: Ah.... if
you do, I'll show her the
pictures I have of you in women's clothing!
Father: [shocked] WHAT!? How did you get those!? I thought I burned..
.. hey, wait a sec... how
did you know....?
Rene: I didn't... till now. Go to bed, and I wouldn't tell now that
I DO know for sure.
Father: Y'know... you're smart for a 6 year old. [exits]
Data: That was quite a bit of work there!
Rene: Thanks, I try. Well, what is your story? Are you sent back
here to kill me.... again? [starts
to move to the Luna Ball (TM)] The first time there was a group...
then they sent back one guy....
kept saying that "He'd be back".... Nice shades, tho`
Data: No... you shouldn't be able to see me. Perhaps the fact that
you're so young has something
to do with it.
Rene: Either that or the fact that I just drank a 6 pack of Coke and
watched "Akira" and "Odin"
on the Sci-fi channel.
Data: Whatever. Perhaps you could help me out? We need information
on the Sailor Scouts, so
we can... well, take their place.
Rene: You know how that sounds, right?
Data: Ah, yes. Well, let me explain....
[Data catches Rene up on the current situation as far as he knows]
Rene: Ok.... I believe you. I have no idea why, but I do.
Data: Perhaps a basic belief in the goodness of people?
Rene: No, more likely the caffeine is kicking in. Now... how much
about Serina do you know?
Data: Almost everything. I even know what her homework assignment
for tonight.
Rene: Did you do it?
Data: Yes, of course.
Rene: Then you don't know enough. We need to call the Sailor Scouts
together, I'll fine tune
their personalities. I need to get you straight right now... Serina
is.... "unique". This may take the
night....
**********************************************************************
*******
[Scene: The NegaVerse. Wesley is being filled in by an assistant
youma... in fact, Wesley and the
youma look to be about the same age... The youma has a D&D shirt on
and has unkempt brown
hair... otherwise, he looks like the typical assistant youma: meaning
fairly androgenous]
Wesley: So I am your... queen.
Youma: No pun intended. Yes, you are. You are here as Queen Beryl's
replacement; however,
the rest of the empire doesn't know.
Wesley: Why not?
Youma: Simple... the Negaforce needs servants, but... well...
technically we should all be dead.
When the queen when boom, her empire should have fallen too.
Wesley: Oh, yeah... when you defeat a person all of their stuff
blows up... I forget what rule that
was. So you get me to fill in her spot and you guys live. I can do
this.
Youma: But you must also defeat Sailor Moon... see, she will hunt us
down. You can use us to
help you if you like, but all of your best warriors were wasted....
Wesley: You mean "not fully utilized?"
Youma: I mean splattered across 3 time zones.
Wesley: Ouch. So.... do we have any pictures of this person?
Youma: Hai [takes out a screen capture], this is her. It was taken
yesterday before Beef Youma
was.... well, splattered across 2 time zones. [shows it to Wesley....
his face goes white as he sees an
image of Data]
Wesley [thinking]: Hehehehehe.... finally,... a chance to waste
major characters! I've been living
for this [aloud] AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!
Youma: Ahhhh... this could get interesting.
**********************************************************************
********[Scene: The Borg Ship. Jadeite is rummaging through what
looks to be a cardboard box containing
CD's. It looked like the edges are burned; most likely the package
caught on fire before the Borg
assimilated/stripped the ship and put it out, then slapped it in cold
storage. Zoicite is working at a
computer station off to his Jadeite's right]
Zoicite: I.... I really appreciate you acknowledging my
contributions to this operation.
Jadeite: Well... I remember how Beryl would never tell us when we
were doing good. I don't
want to be like her.... I.... I want to turn all of us into a group.
We really need to depend on each
other... We're all that we have right now.
Zoicite: Maybe we were all wrong about each other. I KNOW I hated
everyone except Malekite,
and he hated everyone except me. I'm sure that the feeling of
distrust and loathing of each other's
very existence was mutual among everyone else. But..... maybe we can
get over that.
Jadeite: [smiling] Yeah... I hope s-... OH WOW!!!! [pulls a CD out]
Cheech and Chong's Big
Bambu! OH, look, another one! It's just called Cheech and Chong....
wait... Big Bambu looks like
it has some sort of paper in it...
Zoicite: What ARE you talking about?
Jadeite: [obviously excited]: I have read that humor has a great
effect on human emotions and
feelings, and perhaps this could help. It will stimulate creativity,
make us think of wild, better
plans-
Zoicite: Hold on. Just one CD?
Jadeite: No, silly. But over time.... forget it. Listen to this
[Jadeite puts "Big Bambu" in the CD
drive of Zoicite's computer. Within minutes they are rolling with
laughter.]
Zoicite: Hahahahahaha.... gasp....hehehehe.... that is GOOD! Hey,
I've already got a stupid idea!
What if I set my clock in the computer to a date that hasn't happened
yet and cruise the net for
new information? [Starts to work]
Jadeite: Ha ha ha! Good one, but I don't think that will- [is cut
off by Zoicite]
Zoicite: [even more excited than Jadeite] HOLY SHIT!!! IT
WORKED!!!!!!
Jadeite: WHAT!?
Zoicite: Look! This is the fanfic ML, and these stories are from 4
days from now! And... look
here....
Jadeite: What?
Zoicite: This says.... Spiner Moon.... pt 3.
[Jadeite and Zoicite stare at each other]
Jadeite: Well! Read it! C'mon, this is important, we need to save
it!
[Jadeite and Zoicite start reading, and stop about 3 lines into the
fic]
Jadeite: What was that?
Zoicite: That was then, sir.
Jadeite: Yes, but what is it now?
Zoicite: No sir, that was THEN. WE are in NOW.
Jadeite: Well go to now!
Zoicite: Going to now sir! [pushes page down button a few time]
Jadeite: What is this?
Zoicite: This is now.
Jadeite: What happened to then?
Zoicite: We are past it. We are now, Jadeite.
Jadeite: Oh? When?
Zoicite: Now si-... you know we have to pay Mel Brooks royalties for
this, right?
Jadeite: Oh! Lemme shut up then... now, what do we do....? [reads a
little into the fic] Oh, now
that is just plain stupid.
Zoicite: There's no denying fate. [looks at the screen] You need to
listen to the rest of "Big
Bambu" and get Neflite. I'll get the paint.
**********************************************************************
*******
[Scene: The bride of the Enterprise. Rei is in the command chair,
Lita is at Ops, Mina is sitting at
the chair to the right (as we see it) of Rei, Ami is sitting at Nav.,
and... well, little loser ensigns are
filling in the other areas... the ones that go boom whenever the ship
is hit. We see Rei is making
good use of her command]
Rei [in captain's chair]: Weeeeee! Chair goes up, chair goes down,
chair goes up, chair goes
down....
Ami: Ah... Commander Riker.... Perhaps you could wait for another
time to... ah, use the chair.
Rei: Oh chill ou-... er, "Duly noted Lt. Commander Data. However, I
do wish to know what this
button does". [Rei hits a button on the arm of a chair. Somewhere in
North Carolina, Tammy
Faye Bakker explodes. Rei hits another one, and hidden missiles in
Russia launch and converge
onto a Mc Donalds in Idaho.]
Ami: Please stop that.
Rei: Just one more [hits a button, and the chair starts to vibrate]
Ohhhhh.... yeeeeeeeah.... that
feels goooooooooooooooooooooooooooood.... who needs Chad? [Ami raises
her eyebrows] Not
like that! Ohhhhhhhhhhhh... yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah...............
[Imagine the look of V-Darn
from KO Beast Century when he hooked up to the power sockets
plastered over Rei's face.]
Ami: That is not advi-.... can I ride next?
[Suddenly, Serina enters... er "Captain Picard" enters with "Spot" in
her arms]
Rei: Captain... oh yeah.... Captain on the bridge!
Unnnnnnnnnnnnnnnngggg... yeah....
mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. A little to the left.... I can just feel tension
flow away...
Serina: Mr Riker... I relieve you of command. [Rei doesn't get the
message]. Mr. Riker, please
get up.
Rei: I'll kick your ass for this seat, man. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh....
[Ensigns bend over their work even harder]
Serina: Um.... yours does the same thing.
Rei: Alright! [jumps over to her seat] Ohhhhhh
yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah.......
Lita: Mr Riker... please do that on your off duty hours.
Rei: That isn't possible. Brad Pitt and I have a meeting on the
Holodeck later... heh heh heh.
[Sweat drop on all of ensign's faces]
Lita: I'd love to continue this, but we have a large, square object
approaching us.
Ami: [thinking] Well... it was a nice life. Kinda sucks to have it
end at 14....
[Lita puts it on the monitor. What appears to be a large wooden
toddler's building block with
letters and pictures painted on each face of it is on screen. It is
obvious what it REALLY is.]
Mina: I SENSE GREAT PAIN!!!!!!!
Serina: Uh, what?
Mina: I don't know, they just said to keep saying that.
Serina: Worf.... [Lita doesn't respond] Worf! [still nothing]
WORF!!!!!
Lita: Oh yeah.... um, what?
Serina: Scan that.... children's toy.
Lita: Aye sir.... 300 dpi? [ensigns have all heard this joke before,
groan]
Serina: Just do it! [receives check from Nike][Lita still complies]
Lita: There are 3 life forms on that ship... it also looks like the
configuration of a Borg vessel.
Rei: But if you can't trust a kid's toy, what can you trust? Besides,
we have the shields up. It's not
like they can beam over